THe’s been discussing smartphones with his kids for almost as long as smartphones have been around. But this so-called free early childhood smartphone “agreement” that’s currently gaining traction online is what particularly irritates me.
A ban on children under the age of 14 is not only arbitrary, it’s downright hypocritical, not to mention nearly impossible to enforce or enforce.
Whether we want to admit it or not, smartphones have become an essential part of our lives, and have been for at least the past decade. Many of us didn’t grow up with mobiles, much less the internet or social media, but our kids have them. Revoking this privilege would therefore be extremely harsh and disturbing for many people.
It also means a lack of trust. Children thrive when they are given responsibility and shown that adults trust them. Research shows that giving children as young as 4 different tasks and privileges not only improves their confidence and self-esteem, but also improves their academic performance, social skills, and overall life satisfaction. Proven. So why can’t the same logic be applied to certain rites of passage, like owning a front door key, staying late for curfew, or actually owning a smartphone?
Of course, I don’t think children should be allowed to scroll on their phones all day long, distracting from studying and preventing them from participating in class. But as a parent of three children (the youngest now 17 and in college), I strongly believe that access to a phone is essential.
Ensuring that you can reach your child is paramount. My children first had cell phones when they were in sixth grade, just before they started middle school. I didn’t call them during the day – they didn’t call me either. But it was reassuring for both parties to know they were prepared for emergencies.
It’s a big jump when kids go from elementary school to middle school, and one of the big changes they face is commuting time. For some, this may be the first time they go to and from school alone. For others, it may require a much longer walk, bike ride, or bus ride.
In an ideal world, we wouldn’t have to worry about their safety, but unfortunately that’s not the case. Being able to check in, having them in place, and being able to contact us if something happens makes a huge difference and provides much-needed peace of mind. This was especially true for me when my two daughters were growing up. I can only imagine how parents of children with special needs, allergies, or health conditions feel.
Now, many would argue that having a cell phone exposes children to a variety of other dangers, particularly the mental health effects of interacting with strangers online and social media. I know that. However, I truly believe that if we teach children how to use cell phones responsibly and warn them about the potential dangers, they will make good decisions.
Some may argue that having a smartphone creates unnecessary tension among peers. But just like if your kids have a Samsung and their friend has an iPhone, they can have a falling out or find it difficult, and they’ll clash over almost everything. Possibly. Rightly or wrongly, evidence of this disparity will always exist. That’s just life.
Furthermore, it should not be the teacher’s responsibility to enforce these restrictions. Schools already face a variety of obstacles on a regular basis, not to mention being understaffed and underfunded.
Bans can lead to daily arguments between teachers and students (two of my teacher friends have admitted as much), and bans require more administrators and are expensive. There is a lot of pressure on staff when it comes to keeping mobile phones safe. In reality, this would be a nightmare for everyone involved and create a strange and rigid atmosphere.
I also don’t think it’s the responsibility of educators to teach children about phone etiquette. The responsibility falls directly on the shoulders of parents.
Many parents are guilty of using their phones too much. Therefore, it is natural for children to imitate this behavior. The ‘agreement’ itself has been circulating online, with many parents forming WhatsApp groups to discuss this ‘issue’, and frankly, this says it all.
If we really want our children to use their phones less and become less dependent on social media, we need to lead by example and enforce clear rules.
In my household, we don’t allow phones on the dinner table. Instead, we talk to each other. We also recognize the importance of family time and do at least one cell phone-free activity a week, such as watching a movie or going for a walk. Also, if my son uses his cell phone as an alarm, I ask him to connect it to the other side of the room so he can get a good night’s sleep.
At best, I think schools can and should outline expectations at the beginning of the school year. Just as you have written rules regarding uniforms and codes of conduct, parents and students should be informed what the rules are regarding phones, perhaps in the form of a written contract.
After all, banning smartphones will not solve anything. It just creates drama that should be avoided and is much less comfortable for parents and children.
